So you made the decision to take charge and lose the baby weight (is it still considered baby weight if your youngest is four? … moving on)
You pinned on Pinterest, followed 10+ fitness models on Insta and finally came to the decision to join a gym.
You have your sitter in place, you are pumped. You have on your fabletic high waisted leggings and a tank top that says ‘Planks Well With Others’ knowing damn well you haven’t done a plank on purpose since 2010.
You get to the gym and put your things in your locker. You strap your iPhone in place, N’syncs Bye Bye Bye is locked and loaded to kick off your dedicated playlist.
And then it hits you.
You have no idea what the fuck you’re doing. This place is crowded, overwhelming and you do not ‘plank well with others’. You don’t do anything well with others in fact.
Well, you’ve already gotten your sitter and locked yourself into the contract and you need to make the most of it. So from here you have four options.
1. Give up.
If you are part of a classier gym, retreat to the Sauna/Hot Tub for the remainder of your session. At least you’re sweating right?
Chances are though, you did not join a gym with a sauna or hot tub. That’s ok. Lesson learned. You can still make a palette on the bench in the locker room and catch up with some good old Netflix.
(Don’t worry, nobody is judging. Well maybe a few women are judging but they just spent 10 minutes taking mirror selfies so who cares?)
2. Find an elliptical or a treadmill.
These are self explanatory right? Right. Stay here until you are feeling more comfortable and want to branch out to using other machines
BONUS: At some gyms, they put TVs in front of the ellipticals which could come in handy if you get tired of listening to 90s bangers.
3. Fake it til you make it.
Know that every machine has a shitty little diagram plastered to it that will at least give you the gist of how it is supposed to be used. Don’t worry about looking silly using it incorrectly- most of the people here don’t know what they’re doing either.
Keep in mind though that it is 2019 and if you do something epically wrong, it could possibly go viral.
Also keep in mind ‘faking it’ might not actually be the best approach when operating some of the heavy machinery. Proceed with caution.
4. Ask for help.
I like to find other people wearing punny T-shirt’s and ask them for assistance. I know they came prepared. From these comrades, learn two or three machines a session until you have enough variety to get a full workout.
Whatever route you decide to take, pat yourself on the back for taking the first steps towards a healthier you.
And use this as a lesson to be more prepared for next time, whether that be by bringing a workout buddy to have someone to encourage you, or by bringing a pillow so your ass doesn’t fall asleep while you lounge in the locker room and watch Netflix.
If you’re like me, and decide after a few sessions that the gym isn’t the best fit for you and your fitness journey, watch for my upcoming post: How to stay active with young children.